here I am once again, finding myself in love with another. Of course This time its on a whole new level. This time it feels more real than the first. It’s almost as if the first was Just a fabrication of What was soon to come. Of course That was years ago and it ended on Bad terms,but the love was There, the picture Is just more unclear to me now. It could Be beacuase This one Is more recent or maybe it was love but not full on love. I am probably confusing you a tad, but I will try my best to explain.
Now let’s start with love one, we will call him C. We started off good, we had our honeymoon phase, and it felt great. It was if nothing in the world was wrong, I was filles with butterflies, and happy with the man that I have found. We moved in with eachother, we became like the best of friends, we were one. Eventually came the complications,and this was my first serious Relationship and I dis manage to Play it quite wrong,and So did C. I don’t know about him, but I was too naive. I let all the mishaps slip by, and when Things felt like they were falling apart I held on even tighter,which seemed to turn him off even more. I felt that I needed him, more than I wanted him. Things took a turn I dunno 8-9months in??? He stopped giving me the desired attention, trying to catch a break when He could. I have no real proof,but I am pretty sure je was unfaitfull. I Can give son hindsite on a couple occasions. First one, I went out to my sisters for a night. He apparently had his cousin come over. The next day I find a condom in the toilet. He says it was his cousins, a part of me didnt want to believe him,but I did, because the thought of losing him was to Much to Bear . He eventually came clean and said he kissed the girl. Is that the Whole truth, I Never will really know. Then came stuff I found on the computer, he was on dating sites,Silly me nevver said anything about it. This is where I started Getting a bit smothery, I knew something was up, but instead of saying something or breaking it off, I stuck around. I told myself he dors care, he gave me a promise ring afterall, and we Still got Along. Things Still felt like they were Getting even worse. He hid stuff from me. He had a hockey tes and at the end of their season they decided to go to a bar and celebrate with the Guys, no gfs allowed. Now I was kept in the dark. I only found out because the gfs were talking about it at one of the games. Why hide it??? Why do their bfs tell them but mine doesn’t . Still There I was following my Head, and not my Heart. Then There was this other time, we went to his friends for a games night and There was this chick There. The two of the, had This awkward but like they have seen eachother aura going off. I told myself, ok its nothing your Just thinking toi Much. But at the end of the Day when she was going home… His Buddy Is like “hey C wanna walk her out, and say good bye”. I tjought This odd, so I spoke up “hey I Will come, I need another Smoke anyways, and C got right pissed “didn’t You Just have one??” . Ok I apologize, kinda making hum seem like an a hole, He kinda was. I feel though, He l’ost interest and didn’t know how to break it of without hurting me, well helloo I am gonna get Hurt either way, the soonsr You do it, the lessnit would of stung. Now we finally broke up, I was Hurt, a Big wreck. I felt like m’y Heart was stomped on. He took me back though, and m’y Heart felt renewed. I look back now, and dont even know why I loved him, but I did. I guess it was the way we connected, how we got Along,and how amazing the sex was. I coule open up to him,let loose and not Be ashamed. For a ling Tim He was the same way. He was however very selfish, more so at the end. When He realized He didnt live me the same. Why He room me back so mamy times??? To Be a jackass lol no, I think its cause I was familuar ground, He didn’t have to try as Much as a new girl, and maybe a part of him missed That connection aswell. Enough of That though let’s move on to the current love
We call This one J. Now I was single for a long time before I dated J, let’s Say a good 4-5 yrs . I was single at first as a défense mechanism, I refuser to let myself get Hurt again. Eventually I Just enjoyed my single life, but sometimes unexpected Things happen. Now when I walked into This Relationship their was a few complications, but once again I felt something, and I didnt let them stand in my way. He has a kid with some other girl, shes batshit crazy, and well Bad FAS, si her Head isn’t all There. He was going to break it off with her when we met. And He did, because He wanted out (not the kid- but away from her) and He liked me and wanted me instead, You Can argué thats no way to enter a Relationship, but I quickly looked pas it, not with the same naivity as C, but because I understood the situation. I am smarter now, and the fact That we started out tjis way, mâles our Relationship very honest. We are bith completely honest with eachother, and it May Sting a Little, but itz easily brushed off. We both been Hurt, and both have learned the ups and Downs of serious relationships so it nakes the love easier, and the Worth fighting for more. We know What not to do, and What to do. And Just like with C, we have a strong bond, even stronger because we dont need to hide away, or pull together ever so tightly to make it “mesh Better”, and “fix It also Just, feels different, more grownup. And oh the sex, its absouloutly amazing. Without a Doubt,hands down best Lover I have ever had. Sure sometimes I Still worry, Is it going to end up Just like before, then I tell my crazy girl brain to shut up, and Take it as it Is right now and enjoy it. And if Things get rough, Be strong. If This is meant to Be, it Will work out. I really dont want it to end, but I am not going to let myself need hum, more Tha want to Be with hum. I am going to Be smart and when I feel Things are going through a drastic change wd Will talk or I Will end it before my Heart takes another hard fall .
If anyone Read all of This please give me your opinions, and ask any questions.