Walking away from narcistic abuse

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Its hard sometimes yes, especially if you loved the individual, but walking away is the only way to win. I have walked away, yet still feel the abuse, but I know eventually I will have the last laugh.

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I will be explaining the relationship, more so in my next post, as this one is about walking away.

Now it could be anyone in our life whether its a parent,child,lover,friend,sibling or other relative. Yes it can feel shameful to just up and leave, but why hold on to something that makes you feel worthless and BRI gs you down. If this person cared so much about you, they would lift you up,not push you down, where as they are still standing.

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These people are weak, and will do anything to make you seem weaker, thus making them seem like the stronger and better person. They can’t accept their faults, and will never admit to being wrong,or their feelings of misdoubt. The only way they feel better about themselves is making sure you feel lower than them, or at their level. If you do not give them the attention or satisfaction that they deserve, you are immediately in the wrong. You can try all you want , but they will never change. If you tell them what kind of person they are,they will never admit it, and just tell you , your faults, changing the subject, so it turns back on you.
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No one needs toxic people in their life, why surround yourself with negativity and drama??your better than that.
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The best thing to do, is focus on the one person who truly matters, you know who that is??? Yes you, its you. Do what ever makes you happy, once you got rid of the narcissist,they can no longer control you. Life is once again in your hands.
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Like the saying goes, the world is your oyster. Its your life, your ways, you,you,you. I’m not saying become egotistical, and make it all about you, but don’t allow anyone to make you feel down, and less than you are. We are all unique, and we are all individuals. No one can ever change who you are, so don’t let it be that way.
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Smile, laugh and be near people who make you feel that way, and be proud you were strong enough to walk away from someone who made you feel the latter. No one is ever worth the headache and or/heartache

Walking away is the only way to show a narcissist that they no longer have you under their control.

On Writing: Stretch Yourself

Originally posted on adoptingjames:

Stretching-the-Rubber-Band-tzgc5e

The awesome thing about writing is that it probes us authors to explore in more ways than one. Not only does writing encourage us to seek out and discover uncharted territories in our imaginations and throughout the world, but we are beckoned to explore the vastly wide expanse of the available genres themselves.

I told Sarabeth just last night while doing research for a book I’ve been too afraid to write for years, “I’ve discovered a new love.”

She glared at me for a moment then said, “You shouldn’t say things like that to your wife.” (I didn’t realize that Jennifer Lopez was presenting a Golden Globe on the TV wearing a dress with a V-cut as wide as the Grand Canyon.)

I said, “No, not that. Biography-ing. I know it’s not a ward, but I feel like I’ve found a new niche.”

I thought I’ve already been stretching myself…

View original 169 more words

Living with a narcissist

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It took me a long time to realize, but the answers were there all the time. Narcissist’s seem like good genuine people at first. They make you feel special, and they seem to shine, and everyone loves them, what no one sees is they hide behind a mask.
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It takes time, but eventually you cone from a “close bond”, to a mentally and emotionally abusive relationship. It took a long time for me to realize, what was going on. It wasn’t until we shared a home and lived together that I saw them behind closed doors. Eventually I was always brought down, nothing I did mattered and I was becoming less and less happy, and for a while I did believe it was my fault. I tried and tried, to make them happy and off my case, but nothing seemed to work. I should of seen this long ago because the way they acted in past friendships and relationships. They cheat, they lie, they do anything to be in the center of everyones attention. They can disregard you, for speaking your mind. They ac as if they can never do any wrong
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I have been told I am selfish, when all I did, was for them. I have been told I am worthless, disrespectful, and that I was taking advantage of them. Then they turn around and wonder why I am being so hard to deal with, never listining to my voice of reason,since they were they ones who made me feel like crap. I stopped trying, I left and stopped most contact, my family isn’t on my side, because they have been manipulated and brain washed to believe, once agian ,as usual. I am in the wrong. I have become very misunderstood, and constantly talked down too, no one seems to take my side. It hurts, but not much I can do.
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How do you know you are involved with a narcist??

1)they have a great need of attention and affection
2) if you try to prove them wrong, they will burn you
3)they are always right
4)they use others/their own pain and suffering for their own attention
5)they will talk about others behind their back,and make ppl think that person is a bad guy
6)manipulative
7)they own you, and anything you have
8)be fake, lie,cheat, and gossip
9)don’t care about you unless you give them power
10) can’t be alone
11)bring you down, when your a good person
12) turn ppl against you

I could go on, but these are some factors.
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If you ever end up abused, walk away and leave, its the only way you can win
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I left, sure I am living with the circumstances, but it sure beats living in a home where I am always talked down too, and can’t do anything right. I just hope someday my family will see my side, and maybe the narc, will understand I loved them, I still do, but I just can’t live with you, and now that I seen who you truly are, it will be hard for me to see you as I once did.

I may follow up on this topic more, more details and what not.

love, the second time around

here I am once again, finding myself in love with another. Of course This time its on a whole new level. This time it feels more real than the first. It’s almost as if the first was Just a fabrication of What was soon to come. Of course That was years ago and it ended on Bad terms,but the love was There, the picture Is just more unclear to me now. It could Be beacuase This one Is more recent or maybe it was love but not full on love. I am probably confusing you a tad, but I will try my best to explain.

Now let’s start with love one, we will call him C. We started off good, we had our honeymoon phase, and it felt great. It was if nothing in the world was wrong, I was filles with butterflies, and happy with the man that I have found. We moved in with eachother, we became like the best of friends, we were one. Eventually came the complications,and this was my first serious Relationship and I dis manage to Play it quite wrong,and So did C. I don’t know about him, but I was too naive. I let all the mishaps slip by, and when Things felt like they were falling apart I held on even tighter,which seemed to turn him off even more. I felt that I needed him, more than I wanted him. Things took a turn I dunno 8-9months in??? He stopped giving me the desired attention, trying to catch a break when He could. I have no real proof,but I am pretty sure je was unfaitfull. I Can give son hindsite on a couple occasions. First one, I went out to my sisters for a night. He apparently had his cousin come over. The next day I find a condom in the toilet. He says it was his cousins, a part of me didnt want to believe him,but I did, because the thought of losing him was to Much to Bear . He eventually came clean and said he kissed the girl. Is that the Whole truth, I Never will really know. Then came stuff I found on the computer, he was on dating sites,Silly me nevver said anything about it. This is where I started Getting a bit smothery, I knew something was up, but instead of saying something or breaking it off, I stuck around. I told myself he dors care, he gave me a promise ring afterall, and we Still got Along. Things Still felt like they were Getting even worse. He hid stuff from me. He had a hockey tes and at the end of their season they decided to go to a bar and celebrate with the Guys, no gfs allowed. Now I was kept in the dark. I only found out because the gfs were talking about it at one of the games. Why hide it??? Why do their bfs tell them but mine doesn’t . Still There I was following my Head, and not my Heart. Then There was this other time, we went to his friends for a games night and There was this chick There. The two of the, had This awkward but like they have seen eachother aura going off. I told myself, ok its nothing your Just thinking toi Much. But at the end of the Day when she was going home… His Buddy Is like “hey C wanna walk her out, and say good bye”. I tjought This odd, so I spoke up “hey I Will come, I need another Smoke anyways, and C got right pissed “didn’t You Just have one??” . Ok I apologize, kinda making hum seem like an a hole, He kinda was. I feel though, He l’ost interest and didn’t know how to break it of without hurting me, well helloo I am gonna get Hurt either way, the soonsr You do it, the lessnit would of stung. Now we finally broke up, I was Hurt, a Big wreck. I felt like m’y Heart was stomped on. He took me back though, and m’y Heart felt renewed. I look back now, and dont even know why I loved him, but I did. I guess it was the way we connected, how we got Along,and how amazing the sex was. I coule open up to him,let loose and not Be ashamed. For a ling Tim He was the same way. He was however very selfish, more so at the end. When He realized He didnt live me the same. Why He room me back so mamy times??? To Be a jackass lol no, I think its cause I was familuar ground, He didn’t have to try as Much as a new girl, and maybe a part of him missed That connection aswell. Enough of That though let’s move on to the current love

We call This one J. Now I was single for a long time before I dated J, let’s Say a good 4-5 yrs . I was single at first as a défense mechanism, I refuser to let myself get Hurt again. Eventually I Just enjoyed my single life, but sometimes unexpected Things happen. Now when I walked into This Relationship their was a few complications, but once again I felt something, and I didnt let them stand in my way. He has a kid with some other girl, shes batshit crazy, and well Bad FAS, si her Head isn’t all There. He was going to break it off with her when we met. And He did, because He wanted out (not the kid- but away from her) and He liked me and wanted me instead, You Can argué thats no way to enter a Relationship, but I quickly looked pas it, not with the same naivity as C, but because I understood the situation. I am smarter now, and the fact That we started out tjis way, mâles our Relationship very honest. We are bith completely honest with eachother, and it May Sting a Little, but itz easily brushed off. We both been Hurt, and both have learned the ups and Downs of serious relationships so it nakes the love easier, and the Worth fighting for more. We know What not to do, and What to do. And Just like with C, we have a strong bond, even stronger because we dont need to hide away, or pull together ever so tightly to make it “mesh Better”, and “fix It also Just, feels different, more grownup. And oh the sex, its absouloutly amazing. Without a Doubt,hands down best Lover I have ever had. Sure sometimes I Still worry, Is it going to end up Just like before, then I tell my crazy girl brain to shut up, and Take it as it Is right now and enjoy it. And if Things get rough, Be strong. If This is meant to Be, it Will work out. I really dont want it to end, but I am not going to let myself need hum, more Tha want to Be with hum. I am going to Be smart and when I feel Things are going through a drastic change wd Will talk or I Will end it before my Heart takes another hard fall .

If anyone Read all of This please give me your opinions, and ask any questions.

Take care,

Chantelle

A little sneak peak into chapter 6

Forest of Ghost Picture  (2d, fantasy, forest, environment)

*please note this was a rough draft that merely just came to me, and I didn’t exactly edit it much, just thought i would give all of you a little idea of what I am working on 

 

It wasn’t quiet, but it also wasn’t loud. The only sounds heard were those of the forest. Braelynne strolled through the dense woods, taking in the beauty it held.
“Is this what I have been missing for so long” she thought to herself.

She felt that she needed to take it all in, so she closed her eyes and extended her arms and started to spin. Braelynne took in the scents, and the songs of the forest. This was the one moment were everything finally felt right. All troubles seemed to vanish, and for a slight moment in time , dissapear completly. Suddenly, there came a noise. Braelynne ducked down and crawled in the grass behind a big oak tree.

“I hear they are looking for recruits” said one voice
“Yes, thats why we’re going there Skye” said the 2nd voice
“Well, I think the two of us are better as well just us, but if we must..”
“Look, not everyone is as evil and twisted as Kharle Drouf, remember what ma said about whats too come, we need all the allies we can get”
The two elfish people than walked off down the path and Braelynne could no longer hear them so she kept going on her own way.

“I wonder…what they were talking about, maybe these allies, and the recruiters are what I need too save this world from its own damnation? Then agian, most people would send me back to that evil wench that married my father for her costly reward. ” She let that idea, just slip away for at this slight moment it was her freedom keeping her sane.

Cha-boom chucka lucka

Lol, yup bored i am yoda i am not… heh. Just figured I would blab to the interwebs on account of my insomnia :). Hmm not whole lot is up with me currently looking for a 2nd part time job so I can be debt free and have money and not be ms.broke ass anymore :). This situation I am currently in being so totally moneyless is causing a big amount of stress….which isn’t exactly good for me. Stress causes my body to flap about on the floor like an epilictic fool…litteraly..well i am sure alcohol intake doesn’t help. Yah had a seizure a few weeks ago, my back still gets tender, but I havnt had a drink since… k cept once with my momma, but other than that I have been liqour free. I cant afford booze anyways heh. Hmmm sooo what else is going on you ask??? Well my sister and her bf broke up (yup another one bites the dust -heh srry brandy you go through alot of bf’s not that its a bad thing) They were doing pretty good, even talking about weddings and marriage and all that, but one night his true color really showed themselves and well they were pretty dark and unbearable. She had this awards dinner for her work, he was originally going to be her plus one, but before the dinner he went out and got really drunk and what to be appeared as really doped up on something other than pot. He was a little too much and Brandy didn’t want him to be an embarassment so she told him to stay home. This pissed him off terribly so during her awards dinner he kept sending her crude messages on Facebook saying he killed her snake and was going to kill her cat, and that he was wrecking her stuff, and how he they were done and how he wanted his “fucking money” that he put in her bank.account so they could get a camper. He didnt hurt the animals but did end up breaking our coffee table,fridge,vacuum,a wall outlet and our fridge. I would say that buddy has anger problems….. so hes not living with us anymore. I guess a few days ago too they were talking and he said “we can’t work things out unless you kick your sister out and stop helping her, so we can get a place of our own”…yah ok cuz thats the kind of person she is -_-. Lots of drama lol. Other than chaos and brokedom not much else is going on. Just same ol I guess. Oh hah this guy i’m friends with seems to be all omg grrr because i dont wanna be more than friends sorry man, but i do not wanna fuck… i dont even really want a relationship,yet. I dunno i miss it, but I just havn’t found a specail connection with someone and being single isn’t that bad anyways. I dont wanna end up with a freak like my sisters last ex either :p. I have my cat and my book and my hobbes and were all in a happy loving relationship lol. The book I am speaking of is a Storm of Swords and Hobbes is my stuffed tiger teddy bear I bought he is a good snuggler :), i think Misty gets a bit jeolous of him sometimes im all cuddled up too him and she tries getting all snuggled in closer…..silly putty tat. So yup thats about it. Oh yah btw I have been trying to make a character post for my Flames to Dust novel,but well… its a working progress ya’ll I have uhhm the dragons pretty much done,and I feel thats not even ready yet, I think I have to keep writting and get more groundwork on whom all the characters really are first, than my friends,it will be ready :). So yup gonna try and get some sleep here..lol we will see how good that goes, so peace out and g’night everyone.

Q and A with the Boomz PRT-1

1)WHAT COUNTRIES FOOD DO YOU LIKE THE MOST??  I do enjoy mexican food such as taco’s,burritos’ ET, and from what I can gather Holland food is amazing. Dutch spaghetti is da bomb!!!, and apparently the y have a national cheese museum, so i am gonna take a guess and say they really love their cheese…and so do I and my family HAHA, I am 50% Dutch too, so it all makes sense. It’s in my blood to be a cheese-o-holic xD

2) WHAT DO YOU WANT RIGHT NOW??  Too hopefully be making some more money here soon… and to finally have at least one novel finished by the end of this year( that gives me a lot of time, but writing isn’t as easy as some of you may think..It takes a lot of time, patience, and determination. You also have to have your mind and imagination at a certain level were it can think of words, whats going to happen, plot changes, climax’s and all of that jazz.

3)WHAT ARE YOUR BELIEFS??  I am not entirely sure what I believe, or more so…what too believe. There is so many different idea’s,thoughts,belief’s and religions out there.All I know, is we have been brought to life some way, whether it’s some kind of god, by evolution, or we came from some kind of magical pixie dust. And if we were from a god…who made that god, if it’s from evolution, where did those first monkeys or whatever come from. How did we all just magically appear, and begin breathing, thinking,moving around and doing what regular human’s do?? I do believe in aliens though. You have to be pretty naive too think that were the only one’s out there.

4)WHERE ARE YOUR FAVORITE PLACES TOO SHOP??  I live pretty close to the worlds 2nd biggest mall(were the the 1st until Japan made one like a meter bigger or something like that. There is a few clothing stores there i go too such as Aeropostale or Urban Outfitter’s. Eb games is pretty cool( I am a bit of a gamer) there was a really good card shop that sold cheap magic cards(when I did play- can’t find anyone who plays anymore heh) . I also love Chapters, they help grow my small but slightly growing book collection. In West Ed( My mall they have a couple cool places to go and look at like this Millenium store, it has lots of cool things in it, dragon stuff, blades of Olympus (god oF WAR), AND LOTS OF THINGS FOR NERDS TOO BE LIKE OH MAH GOD…jizz in my pants!!! I love Victoria’s Secret but, I don’t make enough money to be shopping there :(. I work at Shopper’s now and have grown to love it, they have good sales, and I looove love loooove getting my points :). Value Village is one of my favorites though. It’s a second-hand store, but the clothes you get there, wow!!! HAHAHA lots of the stuff Is expensive brands that you only pay a couple bucks for. You could go spend 100$ there and come back with enough outfits to last you almost a year hahaha. I also love the rock and roll store in Niagara Falls on Clifton Hill. So many cool rock and roll t-shirts and merchandise, you could find pretty much any band you want there :).There is a few more but this answer is getting long…lol

5?WHICH FAMOUS PERSON FROM THE PAST WOULD YOU LIKE TO MEET??  Gosh so many… Johnny Cash, Kurt Cobain, Dimebag Darrell, basically anyone from the music industry that is now gone, but will never be forgotten. Abe Lincoln would be cool too, he did alot for the slaves and tried to make a difference in the world, but sadly got shot (I believe he got shot because he didn’t want to do what the secret service wanted him to do, because he was against it and thus.. got assassinated). Martin Luther King too that would be cool, and Helen Keller,Rosa Parks, Einstein,Mother Theresa man this list could go on :) HAHA

6)IF YOU COULD BE INVISIBLE WHAT WOULD YOU DO??  Hmmmmm….. Rob a bank??, hahah jk…or am I…. haha. it would definetally be interesting. I could have fun pranking and scaring the crap out of some people. Go to Wentworth Miller’s and watch him shower ;) ( not creepy at all.. haha) .I could spy on the government and see what they are hiding .Hahah go to my mom’s and leave little gifts for her, she will have no idea…”sorry hun, this joint just showed up didn’t mean to smoke it :P”  (her bf don’t like it)

7)IF YOU COULD OWN AN EXOTIC PET WHAT WOULD IT BE??  A Komodo Dragon would be cool ( I would love a real dragon, but who are we kidding right, they are only real in our imaginations :( ) . Or a cute and cuddly one like a Koala or Panda bear. A cool Exotic lizard or snake would be cool too, as long as it wasn’t very hostile or if it was poisonous it was de-venomized in a way.

8)WHAT MOVIE CAN YOU QUOTE WORD FOR WORD??  Don’t think I can quote a movie anymore, but when I was young I watched Lion King sooo many times I could.

9)WHAT WAS THE LAST BOOK YOU READ??  I am currently reading a Storm of Swords by George R.R. Martin. If you ever watched a Game of Thrones, it is a must read .You would have to start with the first one in the series called a Game of Thrones though. This one is the third book in the series, and I am trying too finish it before the 3rd season starts in March. The last book I finished was the first Hunger Games. It was awesome I gotta say, haha, wait actually no I read Married with Zombies by Jesse Patterson, I discussed it one of my earlier blogs :)

10)DESCRIBE WHAT A GOOD FRIEND MEANS TO YOU??  Well someone who can make you laugh, and is there when you need them. I hate people who are overly arrogant, and snobby. I am actually a pretty easy going person, so not alot will bother me. The only thing is if you treat people like trash, I will not like you haha

So this concludes the first segment of Q and A with The Boomz, I will try too make more of these and keep em all at ten questions each… if you want too add a q to one of my q and a’s feel free to leave one in the comment sectionb :) :0 :)